As a child, my mother sometimes said: “If everyone jumps off the bridge, will you jump after them?” Of course not, I answered bravely. But the reality often turns out to be more complicated. Recent research shows that children are more sensitive to social pressure from their peer group when they are afraid of being rejected or are the victim of gossip and exclusion within their peer group.

Scientists Cayenne Predix and colleagues examined 353 primary school children (8 to 10 years old). They discovered that the fear of not being accepted (‘rejection sensitivity’) makes children adapt to the group. Strikingly enough, this sensitivity works in different ways. For example, children who quickly anticipate rejection with anxiety (‘I’ll be out of the loop!’) are more likely to participate in group behaviour that makes them more socially acceptable, such as studying more. On the other hand, the same anxious children are less likely to participate in negative group behaviour, such as mischief, probably because they are afraid of the negative consequences.

A second striking finding is that children who already expect a lot of rejection (‘they don’t like me anyway’) are less likely to adapt their behaviour to popular trends or academic habits. They probably see little point in adapting because they think it doesn’t matter. However, there appears to be an exception: children who expect a lot of rejection and are themselves, victims of gossip and exclusion, adapt more quickly in the academic area. Perhaps they see this as an opportunity to still earn appreciation and acceptance.

What does this mean in practice? Mainly, as parents and teachers, we need to be alert to group dynamics and children’s sensitivity to rejection. Children who feel excluded or very concerned about their social position can be extra vulnerable to negative social pressure or miss opportunities to develop positive behaviour because they think it doesn’t matter.

Perhaps the question about ‘jumping off the bridge’ is not the right example. Instead, we should ask: How can we help children make their own choices and build their self-confidence so they do not feel pressured to conform for fear of rejection?

Abstract of the study :

The present study investigated the role of rejection sensitivity (ie, rejection expectancy, anxious anticipation) and exposure to relational victimization within the friendship group in conformity intentions. For 353 fourth and fifth grade students, self-reported friendship groups were used with peer nomination procedures to assess experienced and witnessed relational victimization from friendship group members. Participants completed a sensitivity rejection questionnaire and responded to hypothetical vignettes to assess intentions to conform to changes in friendship group trend-following, troublemaking, and academic behaviors. Effects of sensitivity rejection and relational victimization on conformity intentions varied across behavioral domains. Higher anxious anticipation was associated with higher academic conformity but lower troublemaking conformity, whereas higher rejection expectancy was associated with lower academic and trend-following conformity intentions. Rejection expectancy moderated the relationship between relational victimization and academic conformity; relational victimization was positively associated with academic conformity intent when rejection expectancy was high (+1  SD ).